oasis
saw our first lightning bug of the year last night. also dreamt of being loved and taken care of, but not in a stifling way. in an equal, let-me-share-this-ride-with-you-and-help way. always wake from these dreams feeling warm and complete, but also a little sad. missing companionship, how much i laughed with scott, and how he could make me feel so special at times. my kids do that, you know, but you also know it’s not the same. woke at 2:22 am soaked in sweat. long shower and climbed into the non-sweaty side of bed. dreamed those dreams (strangely enough, it was back at the miami house on 99th street and starred one of the boys from my childhood who always wishes me happy birthday on fb now but i didn’t think liked me so much when we were growing up). woke at 5:34 in another pool of sweat. not hot in my room, guess i was just creating heat.
with everything going on (and before that, plodding on), haven’t shown you my front porch. evie-fied a little oasis, and couldn’t use it for a couple weeks cause a robin family built a nest and laid eggs and the mom got pissed every time i went out, bird-strafing me with her wings. probably because earlier while she was brooding, i screwed the hammock in the ceiling and maybe she thought i was a little too close and remembered me as ‘danger.’ but all the babies flew 12 days ago,
and so last weekend, i put up the final touch — fairy lights. swinging in the hammock ever since. and then … (foreboding music dum dum dum) … on friday i watched another (or maybe the same? but i don’t think so. this one’s smaller) robin fly around the porch and alight on the nest. she left and flew around the red maple in front and then came back and sat on the nest again. rest of the weekend, she’s been up there with a male fly-by feeding her. wikipedia says robins shouldn’t use the same nest. guess we got special robins.
also, a month or so ago, i pulled up all the LED-lit blue bottles surrounding the yard perimeter and made a bouquet at the front of the porch. so here it all is.
spent all of tuesday night/wednesday morning out here (till almost sunrise) with marxe and brent. feels peaceful. especially the hammock. you should come try it.