red and gray

misting and gray. chilly but not too cold. maple almost to maximum deep orange/red — another couple of days. WWOD is playing old REM, perfect soundtrack for the morning. i have the SAD light on, yeah you’re supposed to use it everyday, but i do everyday i remember, not the same thing. so look at this picture. at sarah’s NYC 9th avenue apartment , i think we were already engaged, but this was us. before kids, before a business. just us. and actually, you can see sarah’s dog sparkles in the right corner.

i specifically chose to look at scott pictures this morning. so much good in my life right now, so much baggage with him after that, but it was real, and i loved him so so so much. so much that i dreaded his going on a trip without me, thinking something would happen to him. was i that person? i mean, yeah, of course i was. i guess i miss that me. even though overall, i’m so at peace with everything now i still miss that time with just me and scott. and i’m letting myself feel it.

dwelling, though, not for long. cause look at this picture. my osprey D hockey team! this was saturday night, our first game, and we actually tied. then last night, our second game, we won! out for a snack after and i’m working so hard to remember everyone’s names. played three games this weekend (one with my laurel team, the cookie monsters) and have a scrimmage tonight. i LOVE playing hockey.

and everyone comes home next week for thanksgiving. i’ll have my babies with me.