(my) team

at the inaugural DMV women’s tournament, two weeks ago. we got clobbered (most of the other teams have already eliminated their non-D players and beefed up their squads with lower C level players), but i suggested we pose with the trophy anyway cause we felt like winners. it was pretty fun.

about an hour ago, the co-captains of my travel hockey team (the ospreys) broke it to me that i’m no longer on the team full time. i’m now a sub, and i will be on the practice squad, so basically, no games.

this is a big deal to me.

first, i have no regrets. i worked as hard as i could, given my life limitations, and i know i completely gave that team my 100 percent all. i always worked hard and pushed myself in practice and games, and was always, always trying to get better (i even studied team pictures, so i could remember names). second, even all that couldn’t make me a D level player. or at least not in this league. this is just a fact. third, i’m really gonna miss that team. they are all strong, beautiful women with varying viewpoints on various things and i will miss being around them. and miss playing hockey with them. cause i really loved playing hockey with them and hanging out with them at extra-curricular activities. fourth, i had a really good time and feel grateful to have experienced a covid-shortened season with the ospreys.

so, i have basically gone through mourning phases already. denial (was thinking that maybe i’ll still somehow get to play); anger didn’t really happen though (who can i be mad at?); bargaining (i should keep the games on my calendar so i can be available if needed); depression (call to sarah); and acceptance (call with marxe and realizing that when i finish writing this, i will go and delete those games).

i’ll still play, just not in mwaha. but definitely in the laurel house league, and even though i love it, i’ll miss feeling special with my home and away jerseys and my … team.